Coping When Life Doesn't Go As Planned

Many of us grow up planning exactly how our life will turn out.  We plan to choose and develop a career.  We plan to fall in love and get married.  We plan to have a family and raise them in a cute, little house.  We plan life to bloom and be filled with amazing things.  And we expect that with a lot of hard work and a little bit of luck, it will all fall into place.  We even expect some challenges along the way, but what’s the worst that can happen, right?

Then, life throws you a curveball.  Not just a curve ball… a wicked fast ball that hits you square in the face, shattering every bone where you feel like you have been blinded forever.  The pain is unimaginable.  It’s the death of a loved one.  Not just any loved one, but someone who is a part of your core being.  The someone who you can’t live without.  All of your plans have been crushed in a nanosecond.  

I felt this when my husband had his heart attack a few years ago.  He was whisked away to surgery, and I was left with the thought of “How can I live life without him?”  We were going to travel the world and created a list of all these things we wanted to do.  We were just talking about our plans for retirement and how to adapt to being empty nesters.  Who would I talk with like that?  Who would I travel with? Who would I share my plans with?  If I lost him.

I am forever grateful that I never had to find out.  By the amazing grace of God, he made a full recovery and our life went on as planned.  But I often think about all of those people who weren’t so lucky.  Those who had to put their life back together after the loss.  They are my clients, and in many I see, feel, hear their perpetual loss.  My heart aches for them.  

But I also know there is recovery after such loss.  I’ve seen it first hand.  Parents who have lost children.  Children who have lost parents.  Spouses who have lost life partners.  I have sat with them all.  When we first meet, their grief is suffocating.  But with many, if they let me sit with them again and again, and I see the brightness return to their eyes.  Recovery is hard and a ton of work, but it’s within reach.  

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-betrayal-of-expectations-coping-when-life-doesnt-go-to-plan/

This is an impactful article of a woman’s journey to find such a recovery.  She discusses how to be gentle with yourself during such a dark time in your life.  And interestingly enough, she realized that there was brightness woven within those dark moments.  I think you will enjoy reading it.

If you have experienced such a loss, be gentle on yourself.  And remember that even if your life doesn’t go as planned, there is still beauty within it.